How to Deal with Negative Behavior (Passive Aggressive or Other)
The best way to deal with it is to ignore it. Unfortunately, sometimes, the more attention that is given then the more the drama fire grows. Often people just want to know that something bothers us or that they have the “upper hand” or power to hurt. Sometimes they care and sometimes they don’t. In reality, it is because they do not feel very powerful and are working out some of their needs and hurts that were not met during their lives/life. This is not our problem, but it is very sad and tragic. Their inner child, little person is hurting or was badly hurt or triggered, and so they are hurting someone else as a result. Or else just trying to release the hurt, angst, and stuff from inside them.
We all carry this little person (inner child) inside ourselves. Unless we had a perfect upbringing where all of our needs, wants, and goals were met, and we were loved unconditionally and never experienced any pain, hurt or trauma, this hurt child is still with us. I do not believe there is a soul like this in this world, but perhaps I am wrong. If it is you, then I am so happy you had such an amazingly beautiful and seemingly perfect life and upbringing! We all want this are trying to work through our stuff to get to this. It is blissful!
Remember, our humanity is what connects us. We are human and can relate to one another. We can all be negative, hurtful or passive aggressive, which is a way of being indirect. Perhaps we are afraid of being vulnerable; it is scary to have us exposed. It could feel unsafe to us to reveal our feelings or thoughts! And, maybe we do not feel entitled to feel the way we feel. On the other hand, we are not aware that we are acting this way because it is subconscious and not intentional (this is one of those benefit of the doubt things.) Finally, we may just lack the communication skills and the ability to be assertive.
What do you do if you cannot ignore it? The other option is to discuss it with your person (whoever they are). It is important to understand that just because you want to resolve the issue and get back to normal does not mean that the other person does. Nor does it mean that they will say sorry or be sorry for how it affects you. It also does not mean that the other person is going to change. An important goal for the conversation (for yourself) is to express how you feel when the person does something and how you would like to be treated.
None of us can change anyone. We are not responsible for anyone nor are we responsible for anyone else acts or speaks or does not do so. We can only mend ourselves and our behaviors and feelings. And we all want to be happy, to be positive, and to get along, but sometimes or maybe often our own stuff, self, pain, and patterns can get in way. That is okay because life is a process! We are all works in progress.
If you are hurt or feel left out, take good care of yourself. Perhaps coloring, writing, playing, talking with another friend, exercising, going on a nature walk or a nice, relaxing bath/shower will help. Perhaps you have a coping technique that has worked before like reading, biking, yoga, meditating, praying, creating something, watching a movie, petting your dog, cat or other fur baby or friend! Do what works for you.
Keep in mind, it is not your fault nor is it your problem. It is the other person’s personal issue that they are responsible for. You are responsible for you and for mending your yard and fence. If you did do something, you are always able and welcome to address that with the person. But only if you feel you were in the wrong or hurt or upset someone. This is not your responsibility if you did none of those things and addressed it. Once we hand our part over, apology or whatever, it is the onus is on the other person to deal with their part. Sometimes they don’t and sometimes they do. Life can be hard in these cases. But you will be ok and you are fine now. Love yourself. Don’t beat up yourself or feel responsible.
This was an interesting article for some self-reflection, enjoy!
7 Signs You’re Being Passive-Aggressive (and How to Stop)