At some point in time you may have noticed that the way someone treated you, how they spoke to you or what they said, brought up feelings and thoughts not directly related to the event and conversation at hand.  Even though your response appears related to the person you are dealing with or communicating with, often these two things are not related.  Despite the response not being congruent or relevant to what is taking place, these two things can get entangled and mixed up.  Sound familiar?  If not (or if so), you may have heard the words, “I am processing,” or “I’m not sure how I feel,” from someone you are communicating with in some capacity.  Or you may  have someone just lash out at you or ignore you and not communicate anything regarding what has come up for them or what is going on in your relationship.  Honestly, not everyone is in tune to themselves, their feelings or even aware that something is coming up for them or being triggered. And maybe they don’t know how to do this kind of work (that’s where I can in, too, and throughout this whole process). It is important to give people the benefit of the doubt because when this happens to us (whether we are the upset one or not), it can be quite challenging to process, communicate about, and then move forward from in the relationship.

Before I create a deeper understanding around the behaviors and communication, I would like to share something about human behavior, generally speaking. More often than not, people assume things in our words and behaviors and may be reacting to those assumptions. This is the basics of the field of social psychology which says that people respond to people based upon how they feel someone is treating them or acting (this is perception mixed with observation, “our stuff,” and some reality.) 

In the simplest terms, here is what is most likely going on.
Often, when people are talking with one another, their own stuff- feelings, resentments, thoughts, vulnerabilities, insecurities, and so forth (both conscious and unconscious) may come up for them.  (And it may take place on a sensory or memory level, so as to remind people of something. We will try not to go that deep here today. ) It may cause them to feel a certain way or think a specific thought and then react based upon that because their stuff is getting in the way and getting tangled or entwined.  Sometimes people can get stuck and not respond when this happens because they are blocked or are trying to sort out their feelings and what it going on for them.  Remember, this is their own process and stuff.  Maybe they were reminded of something negative (consciously or unconsciously), otherwise triggered, or are having a defensive response to the discussion. They have the choice to work through it themselves or deal with it all how they will.

This is not your responsibility to fix!  Also, it is not personal to you that it came up for them while engaging with you.  The only thing personal is that you were the one that the issue came up with. The rest is them.  I notice this happen with colleagues and acquaintances, as well as close loved ones.  We are all trying (or not) to work out our stuff with those of us that we interact with. It is often unavoidable.  Or we are trying to avoid working out our stuff directly by not having to go through confrontation or painful conversations and experiences.  As a result, this stuff comes out indirectly when we are interacting with others or after having interacted.

Although we may want to be trees and exist independently, we regularly influence and impact one another, for the negative and the positive, both consciously and unconsciously.  Short of being in isolation, there is virtually no way to not have this happen at some point in time, even if neither individual is aware of it.  And, you this may sound out there, but this isn’t all bad. I promise. And this too shall pass.

Having these experiences allows a lot of room for growth and learning about ourselves and others too. Often, we can move past things or a little past them after having gone through these experiences. This can improve and strengthen relationships.  It can be helpful to be aware of this process, so that we can process our thoughts and feelings in the most healthy way and with causing as minimal damage as possible to others and ourselves.  Much love to you on your journey.

Know These Things to be True

Screenshot_2018-08-13-21-16-30-1.pngI long for you to know how beautiful, amazing, and exquisite you are. You are a treasure. Do not let anyone tell you differently. Don’t believe them because they are blind to true beauty. Remind yourself everyday, every minute if it helps. Tell your inner child. I am here to help. Much love ❤ #innerbeauty #thebeautythatcounts #heart #innerchild #loveyourself

Gratitude this Sunday

20180812_101051_0001Listening to the falling rain come down as I look around at these loving faces at breakfast. I wonder what I did to to deserve these people and these experiences? Nothing. Truly we all deserve love, good things, and positive experiences in life. I wish that and all helpful, beneficial things for you. Also, more often than not, it takes time to cultivate these relationships. Other times we need to remember to reach out and reach in to grow this relationship within ourselves, too. It can take work and soul searching. Life is a mix of tough and good, so these things are not highlighted or remembered during our painful times unless we practice gratitude for them. Wishes for happiness and loving thoughts. ❤❤ #serenitysunday #soulfulsunday #deserving #goodthings





Enjoying time away from home and thinking about what inspires. I am loving time away from the daily grind with some of my tribe. The miles may separate us, but our heartstrings hold us close.❤ Love.#inspireme #inspiration

Some of the things that inspire me are: Compassion
Helping others
Brave hearts
Burning candle
Willingness to change
Working on ourselves
Direct, gentle communucation
Shadow work
Welcoming others
Gut feelings
Dogs and animals playing
Thank yous
People helping others
Fur baby kisses and barks
Children playing
Loving kindness compsssion
Family and friends

Your Story Is Not Yet Told: It is Unfolding


It is difficult when things happen that are unexpected, out of our control or unpleasant. It is helpful to remember this: my story isn’t over yet. Your story isn’t over yet. There is more to be told about your life. I/you might have hit a rough patch and feel sad (insert feeling here), but I/ you are not done. I have a story (that of my life) to keep living, learning and laughing from. I have my present and my future. That thing happened but other things are going to happen that make your life. ❤Much love. #TGIF #happyweekend #mystoryisnotyettold #friday


The Present: A New Beginning

New Beginning


Good morning. This sunrise was on the way to work today. It reminded me that everyday I (we) get, is the chance to start over again. It is the gift of a new beginning.

This gave me so much gratitude. It also helped to let go of worry and to stay present in the moment of today, not yesterday, not tomorrow. So, we can let go of the past and the future and any worry and just focus on the day, minute, hour or second at hand.

We have today! Our day is today, our present is today. Today and now are what are happening. Deep breath!❤ Happy Thursday.

#thursdaythoughts #onedayatatime #newbeginning #newbeginnings

Kindness and Coffee


This is how I am feeling today,  this fine Wednesday. I am always in need of more kindness in the world and for myself. I will even forego my coffee. 😉

It can be rough dealing with others sometimes especially when they forget to treat us as kind or nice as we need, would like or are used to. All of us get into these mindsets too, that people don’t change or a certain way (negative or positive).  So, we often end up having some bit of projection or transference (More on this at a later date) and are disappointed by them.   Sometimes, there is some of this going on but not always and really we have to meet people where they are at and how they are approaching us. (We are not their therapist, mom, dad, responsible adult, not usually for that one.)  Unfortunately, people are responding based upon what is going on with them, whether it be emotionally, mentally, perceptually, psychologically, and physically. Life is not easy, that is certain. Sigh. Deep breath, sigh. We know that they probably have their own stuff going on but it is still difficult to deal with and we don’t need nor want to be someone’s doormat… that doesn’t feel good and it’s not our job.  Yet, if we knew how they were feeling or thinking, it would easier to be compassionate.  Maybe we could try to imagine how they are feeling/thinking and hold a space for that. Perhaps if we meet them with compassion and kindness, they will in turn be able to provide us with a safer, kinder place.  And if they are not able to do so, then what is really lost in that? I find that when I am more compassionate to others, that then I in turn can be more compassionate with myself (whether it my adult self, my inner child, etc.)   So that is what is gained a growing compassion for the self. We can never, repeat, not ever, be too compassionate with ourselves.

It has been a tough week, so far. So, it is my final week of working 4 ten hour days with Fridays off due to summer sessions ending. Although I love my Fridays, I am looking forward to being back to the usual 8 hour or so hour days and 2 day weekends. Change is good but tough. Sending you kindness x 20. Enjoy your day!

#Wednesday #wonderfulwednesday #humpday #kindness #☕ #❤ #compassion #selflove #wisdomwednesday #innerchild #empathy #relationships #communication

The Struggle is Real: Failure is Impossible


You can do this. I believe in you.  If you don’t or can’t believe in yourself, yet, that is fine. Big hugs.  Maybe you can pretend, fake or do you best to hold the space for believing in yourself? Or if you can, then just trust that feeling. Remember you are not alone in your struggle and you never will be.  We all struggle differently and at various times, too. Also, remember you can do this, whatever it is. It may be daunting or anxiety producing, take a breath. It is ok to feel and think what you are. Breathing can help you sit with those things. After, count to 3, 10 or whatever works for you, and take a small step. It is a process, but has to start somewhere, if it is going to begin…if you are going to try and do what you can.

Many of us doubt ourselves a lot, sometimes or often, but I know that if we dig deep enough and try, that is enough. Perfection is not the goal. It may take anywhere from 2 to 500 tries (and that is ok)to do whatever it is you are trying do. Just know that each effort is important and something you did, learned from and grew as a result of doing. It is the effort not the outcome. There is no failure!!!! You cannot and so you will not fail.  #yesyoucan #believeinyourself#theeffortnottheoutcome #nofailure#weareallimperfect Mucho-AlyseMcKeal,LCSW

Moody Mondays

Good Morning to you all. Big hug and high fives. Wishing you a happy and positive Monday. You deserve it! ❤   

Baby Elephant (2).png


Yes you can! #motivationalmonday! Do what feels good and is self soothing to start off your work week or week. Whatever it is, it DOES NOT have to be Perfect!  Whatever you do is right for you.  There are no mistakes.  None whatsoever.  I know Mondays are rough and can even be scary but you have this! It will not break you.  Remember, it is ok to struggle, to feel sad, to feel quiet/withdrawn, and to not be happy. Embrace however you are feeling and know that you are going to be fine. Yes you can! You can do this!! I’m sending you so much love and light for this beautiful day. There is no wrong way to get back in the groove. Breathe that in. Take care of you and I am here for you.  Reach out and reach in to love and get your needs met. Know that you are worth it and you deserve it!  xoxox AlyseMckeal,LCSW

#moodymondays #motivationalmondays #yougonnabefine #yesyoucan #youaresoworthit

Soulful Sunday: Lucky

Good Morning this Soulful Sunday! This is one of the first things I saw when I awoke. It is on my fridge reminding me all my days. It resonated so much today. I wish it for you all, too, every day. Breathe it in. Exhale everything else that does not feel as good because you need good in your life, mind, and heart, too! Inhale and then always remember to give you some self love; do something for you. You are so worth it! And may you feel like this most of your days ( if not all)! Much love. Have a beautiful, relaxing day! #lucky #blessed #soulfulsunday #Selflove ❤#youareworthit #serenitysunday

This gorgeous art is from an amazing artist in So.FL,
Props to Valentina Design. Check them out!