I attended a communal trauma training yesterday since training/learning is what I love to do. The final message expert trauma clinician, Deb Del Vecchio-Scully gave is “the answer is we have to love ourselves and love others” to move forward, through and past our pain. There is no one or right way to love. Love is love and we know it when we give and feel it.❤ Love more. We all can Love more. I just know it! Much love to you all.❤ #lovemore #love
And check me out on Instagram!
We are almost through the week, but that means that summer is flying by, too. Yes we can do this! We can go back to school and fall busy. Focus on your breathing and taking deep, belly breaths to relax, stay calm, and reduce stress and worry. Replenish and nurture yourself, too. Deep breaths for a rejuvenating and relaxing weekend. Happy Thursday! Wishing you peace, happiness, and love for now and days to come. xox-Alyse
Do what you love when you can. Choose wisely. You deserve to feel and be loved, liked, and happy! Don’t let anyone else tell you or treat you differently. That is their stuff, their baggage that is. It may be unhappiness, negativity, judgment, apathy, hate….but it is their shit, not yours my darlings. Big heart and much love!
If you don’t know it yet, then breathe this in and hold it in your mind. If you want to, write it down! You, my friend, are amazing, beautiful, wonderful you! See the reminder phrase below from our friends at Simplereminders.
Sending you love for a glorious day! Happy Wonderful Wednesday!
How to Deal with Negative Behavior (Passive Aggressive or Other)
The best way to deal with it is to ignore it. Unfortunately, sometimes, the more attention that is given then the more the drama fire grows. Often people just want to know that something bothers us or that they have the “upper hand” or power to hurt. Sometimes they care and sometimes they don’t. In reality, it is because they do not feel very powerful and are working out some of their needs and hurts that were not met during their lives/life. This is not our problem, but it is very sad and tragic. Their inner child, little person is hurting or was badly hurt or triggered, and so they are hurting someone else as a result. Or else just trying to release the hurt, angst, and stuff from inside them.
We all carry this little person (inner child) inside ourselves. Unless we had a perfect upbringing where all of our needs, wants, and goals were met, and we were loved unconditionally and never experienced any pain, hurt or trauma, this hurt child is still with us. I do not believe there is a soul like this in this world, but perhaps I am wrong. If it is you, then I am so happy you had such an amazingly beautiful and seemingly perfect life and upbringing! We all want this are trying to work through our stuff to get to this. It is blissful!
Remember, our humanity is what connects us. We are human and can relate to one another. We can all be negative, hurtful or passive aggressive, which is a way of being indirect. Perhaps we are afraid of being vulnerable; it is scary to have us exposed. It could feel unsafe to us to reveal our feelings or thoughts! And, maybe we do not feel entitled to feel the way we feel. On the other hand, we are not aware that we are acting this way because it is subconscious and not intentional (this is one of those benefit of the doubt things.) Finally, we may just lack the communication skills and the ability to be assertive.
What do you do if you cannot ignore it? The other option is to discuss it with your person (whoever they are). It is important to understand that just because you want to resolve the issue and get back to normal does not mean that the other person does. Nor does it mean that they will say sorry or be sorry for how it affects you. It also does not mean that the other person is going to change. An important goal for the conversation (for yourself) is to express how you feel when the person does something and how you would like to be treated.
None of us can change anyone. We are not responsible for anyone nor are we responsible for anyone else acts or speaks or does not do so. We can only mend ourselves and our behaviors and feelings. And we all want to be happy, to be positive, and to get along, but sometimes or maybe often our own stuff, self, pain, and patterns can get in way. That is okay because life is a process! We are all works in progress.
If you are hurt or feel left out, take good care of yourself. Perhaps coloring, writing, playing, talking with another friend, exercising, going on a nature walk or a nice, relaxing bath/shower will help. Perhaps you have a coping technique that has worked before like reading, biking, yoga, meditating, praying, creating something, watching a movie, petting your dog, cat or other fur baby or friend! Do what works for you.
Keep in mind, it is not your fault nor is it your problem. It is the other person’s personal issue that they are responsible for. You are responsible for you and for mending your yard and fence. If you did do something, you are always able and welcome to address that with the person. But only if you feel you were in the wrong or hurt or upset someone. This is not your responsibility if you did none of those things and addressed it. Once we hand our part over, apology or whatever, it is the onus is on the other person to deal with their part. Sometimes they don’t and sometimes they do. Life can be hard in these cases. But you will be ok and you are fine now. Love yourself. Don’t beat up yourself or feel responsible.
This was an interesting article for some self-reflection, enjoy!
7 Signs You’re Being Passive-Aggressive (and How to Stop)
https://www.dailyworth.com/posts/3462-signs-you-re-being-passive-aggressive
Being connected to others makes us feel safe, accepted, cared for, and understood in an otherwise lonely existence. It is not needy to want connection. It is human!Otherwise we would be alone.
This does not mean that you get all your needs met by a connection or connection, but that some of your needs are met through your connections and by connecting. You will still have the opportunity for self-care and meeting your own needs outside of these connections. This is one reason it is not co-dependent. It is important to remember, too, that even though you get some needs met by your loved ones and those you connect with, they are not responsible for how you feel, your happiness, or your life. That is yours to build and develop. #connecting #human existence #love #longing
Peaceful and tranquil place in the Carolinas. Picturesque spot in the Blue Ridge (Appalachian Mountains) for a small retreat or get away right off the Blue Ridge Parkway close to Boone & Blowing Rock downtown. In the mountains and with a mountain view. It sits on more than an acre of land with great outside yoga, walking, talking, and meditation areas in the yard and on the wrap around deck.1st floor swing is perfect for talks or contemplation. Lots of wildlife and birdwatching. Nearby hiking, walking and trails, too. Close to lakes, scenic parks, Southern cuisine, restaurants, and cultural areas (galleries, museums, festivals, and more).
https://highcountryresortrentals.com/A-Little-TLC-Blowing-Rock-Vacation-Rental/
We all want and really need to be met where we are in life, wherever and however we are doing. This usually means as someone who struggles at times, is not always happy or fine, and is not perfect, if there was such a thing as perfection. I wholeheartedly believe we all want to be loved as we are and forgiven for our mistakes, big and small. We all, all of us, make mistakes. We want to be seen for all our beauty and not remembered for our imperfections or wrong doings. We are works in progress. We want to be accepted for who we are and this is a core (extremely deep) desire. No judgment. Much love❤-Alyse. #meetuswhereweare #acceptance #forgiveness #wearenotouractions
When you are interacting with someone and you get annoyed or have a negative feeling come up, ask yourself what am I really feeling underneath and around the annoyance? Why did it maybe come up? Expound upon your feelings and write them down completely. After, answer the question what am I needing? It may bring you towards a core (or childhood need) or something more immediate, keep digging. For example, “to be accepted.” Write it down after exploring completely. A helpful question may be what does this remind me of?
Write it down, realizing it may come in drips and drabs, little by little. I recommend doing this a little at a time, over time not just in the experience when you get ticked off. This can be a lengthy and sometimes an emotional process to work out. Perhaps involve some journaling, mindfulness activities, exercise, reading, coloring/art, gentle self-care, and talking with loved ones or a professional. Also, you may need to set a gentle boundary or time away from the person who brought this up for you until you work through a little bit (we can talk about boundaries next time or soon). This work is extremely important to do and provides healing for you and anyone doing this work.❤-Alyse McKeal,LCSW
#opportunitytounderstandyourself #itisusuallyaboutyouoryourpast #feelingsmatter #emotionality
Share the love with yourself. You deserve it! Love yourself. Be gentle with yourself.❤ Self-compassion is so important, so letting yourself make mistakes, slow down, enjoy down time and things you like doing. Take some me time to decompress, relax, and do good things for you. You choose them whether it is taking a shower, nap, it is up to you. Take a break from loving others and do you! You matter tremendously. Wonderful you!
What are some ways you already do self-care and self-love?
I understand that may be hard to answer. Deep breath because that is ok. If you struggle with this, you are not alone. Many of us have not been shown/taught how to do this. Our American society does not exactly embrace it. Many of us don’t even take vacations unlike most Europeans. Remember, it takes practice, too! We all start somewhere. I am sending you the intention and hope that you start your self-love practice soon, for your well being. Much love. ❤
#Selflove #selfcompassion #metime #doyou
